her vagine was all disorganized.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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