just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
