literally had 100 drinks last night.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
