You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
