My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
