Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
