apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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