Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
