apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
