Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
