You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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