What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
