My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
