i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
