god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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