i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
