4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
