one two three fourrrrnication!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
