i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
50% drunk capacity currently
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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