Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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