yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
