Yo dont text me then not text me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
