AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
