Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
