omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
