I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
