did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
