around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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