He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
