dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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