id be glad to
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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