So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
