We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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