I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
