I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You ruined the universe
I came so hard my ears popped.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
