So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
