hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We have so much sex to catch up on
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
