my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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