I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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