I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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