You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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