Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
