Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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