so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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