I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
