If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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