saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
