What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
