omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
