Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
