Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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