Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
