I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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