I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
