Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
