remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
