Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
