I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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