JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
