She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
