he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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