my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
