So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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