normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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