I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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