clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
