you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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