put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
