We're facebook friends in real life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
