Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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