Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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