careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just tell him i said nine months
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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