I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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