come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
