i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
