i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
