i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
