You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize