what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
